Weeds Still Grow Flowers
I wrote this a couple of years ago and it weirdly feels more relevant to me now than it did then.
I was listening to Darker Side by Rhodes when I started thinking about what the song means. My initial assumption was that it is a song about loving someone and also loving all the worst parts of them. But when I listen to it again, I think it could also be a self-love song.
Rhodes sings: “Oh, my darker side/ I’ll find your light/ I know you better than that”. And really, who knows us better than we know ourselves? Who is better acquainted with our darkest parts than we are when we are at our lowest points?
But isn't it up to us to find the light? To face our darkness and not succumb to it, but acknowledge it's existence? I think many of us believe that the result of loving yourself is a perpetual happiness. I think that many of us think that if we love ourselves, we must only celebrate the good parts and pretend that there are no bad parts – treating them like they never existed. However, I think that it's impossible - or pretty damn difficult - to love ourselves if there are entire parts of ourselves that we're pretending don't exist.
But if we choose rather to send love to the parts of ourselves we like least we may transform them into something better. We can nurture the ugly parts so that we can grow beyond them, so that they can become less ugly by learning to take in some light.
If we keep being hard on ourselves for how jealous, petty, unforgiving and whatever other negative words we ascribe to ourselves, we will only add to the negativity and make it worse and ourselves more bitter. But I reckon if we can love our entire selves more completely, we can shed enough light on the ugly parts so that they are not so ugly anymore.
These parts may always be with us but because we will have chosen self-love over self-loathing, they will be stripped of their power and they may blossom into something good. That jealousy will turn into appreciation and that lack of forgiveness will turn into empathy. Like weeds we cannot completely get rid of, they will bloom into a forest of flowers on the side of the road that contribute to the scenery on the journey we are on. Maybe not in the way that was anticipated but maybe in the way that it was intended. My point is that nothing and no one is perfect but denying the bad parts to make is seem that way, will not make it so.